You Affect Your Kids

It is no secret that I work in the mental health field.  I love helping people and impacting lives everyday.  As I go throughout my day, I often have time to reflect on common threads that I see among families.  One thing is certain, what we do affects our children.

Our behaviors, attitudes, perceptions, imitations, judgments, highs and lows are often passed down to our children.  What some fail to realize is that it is not always what kids see that affects them, but it is what they do not see.  A child who only hears "You act like your daddy" and never "I love you for you" will begin to think they cannot be any greater than their father.  I credit my mother for not talking bad about my dad in front of me.  She allowed me to form my own opinion of him.  Once she knew what I thought about him, she still continued to encourage me to have a relationship with him.  She did not force me to spend time with him nor did she stop me.  On the other side, a child who is always the mom's emotional punching bag and the family scapegoat will have a difficult time adjusting to change and functioning in relationships.  It burns me up inside when I hear a parent ragging on their child and never praising them.  There is a strength in all of us.  Even roses can grow in concrete jungles.

I make it a point to encourage my daughters as much as possible.  If I have to chastise or give consequences, I make sure I spend time telling them why and loving on them.  I want so much for my girls and my expectations are high.  I also realize that my day is not their day.  My ways are not their ways.  They have to learn, grow, and make their own mistakes.  I can guide them, teach them, and give them advice, but they still have to walk their own paths.

Parents, I want you to remember that your mistakes do not define you.  Your past does not have to become your child's future.  That is why it is so important for us to take care of ourselves.  Why would you pass on your baggage to an innocent child?  Self-care is so important, yet it is so far down on the list of priorities that it is non-existent.  Have you ever stopped to wonder whether or not your anxiety, depression, or other mental health disparities is what is actually causing your child to act out?

I encourage you to look into your own mind and do some soul searching.  What would life be like if you stopped yelling at your child for things his/her father did to you 2 years ago?

#lovealways