This post is well overdue. Anyone who knows me, knows that I work with people who have been deemed 'dead-beat dads' by society. For the most part, they are misguided individuals still trying to figure out what their purpose in life is. Unfortunately for some, they've allowed others to dictate what that purpose should be and have lost sight of their vision.
But I'm not here to talk about them, today I must discuss the other half of the scenario. The mom. Yes, mom is the one left holding the family unit together, while maintaining 1-3 FT/PT jobs, missing out of valuable "me" and "girl" time for the sake of her kids. The undisputed heavy weight (figuratively) champion of the world. Dear, sweet, peace-making, loving, caring, there to wipe your tears, and clean your boo-boo mom. Gotta love her!
As pretty as this picture is, what happens when mom isn't there to cook your food, wash your clothes, or read bed time stories to you, because she is in the club, hanging out down the street, or harassing the father for child support that she is actually using to buy herself and her new man clothes, drugs, booze, etc.
Yes I said it. There are women who use the system to their advantage. They feel their children are their meal ticket and can use them to get, trap, or make a man's life hell.
So who really suffers? Is it the ex-boyfriend, one night stander, ex-husband? Because now he has to deal with her drama every week because the $800 in child support that he pays every month isn't enough. Or is it? If the court determines what amount the non-custodial parent should pay, then obviously it is enough to meet the needs of the child, not the mother's habits. Though many of them think so, he is not the one who suffers.
Is it the family or friends of the former couple? Now they have to choose sides. If they hang out with him, then go party with her, she will be constantly pumping them for information. She will ask them to spy on him or question them about who he is dating. Still they aren't the ones who suffer.
If you haven't guessed by now, it is the children who suffer. The children are the ones getting dragged around to DNA testing centers, questioning why their last name is different from their dad's or their mom's name. They are the ones who hear the arguments and see the violence. They are ones who are forced to choose sides or be shipped back and forth from house to house. They are the ones in fear of mom's new boyfriend(s) or figure out what to call dad's new wife.
So the next time you decide to argue in front of your kids, think about the message you are sending them. Is this a healthy relationship? Is this what I want my daughter or son to act like?
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